Calling Out into the World

What a strange and scary world we are living in right now.  As you see I have decided to reopen this blog for the time being.  I am not sure how long I will keep this up but I will do it as long as it keeps me busy and brings me joy.

So in the well over a year since I posted a lot has happened.  Relationships have ended and started.  I have had the first stage of my chest reconstruction (which I will go into more about later).  I started and left a job.  My bottom surgery has been on the books and then off because of the COVID.  Life is in flux.

I have started a D/s and romantic relationship with an amazing girl we will call BG because she is my baby girl. We have a 24/7, low protocol Caregiver/little relationship.  We met on Facebook and have been together for well over 6 months.  She is amazing.  We are looking at starting a podcast in the near future so please look for it in the future.  Don’t worry.  I will let you know when it is up.

In the beginning of February I had phase one of my top surgery.  We are doing it in phases because of the size of chest I am going for.  For phase one we place tissue expanders in.  The plan was to expand the tissue over a few months then go back in and place the implants.  With the pandemic going on, all “elective” surgeries have been cancelled until this passes.  What sucks is that I have no idea when that will be.  This has been a huge stressor to me but, with the help of D and BG I am getting through.

Back in October, I started a new position at another sexual health clinic.  This was a dream job for me.  I had always wanted to work for this clinic even before I started working as an RN.  Well, do you remember that old saying that you should watch what you wish for?  It is so true.  The job turned out to be a nightmare. There was no training program in place.  Some of the staff were colder to me then the Minnesota winters and no matter what I did it was wrong.  To say that I was set up to fail would be an understatement.  The crazy thing is that when I put my notice in, they admitted as such.  So I am back at my original clinic and loving it.  See people, the grass is not greener, it is just different.

I also spent the last year jumping through all the gatekeeping hoops to get my bottom surgery.  This was huge.  Several doctors, shrinks, and letters later, I had my preauth from the insurance company.  I even had a rough timeline for the surgery.  Then the pandemic happened.  Once again this surgery was deemed “elective” and now it is limbo.  I am not sure what is going to happen with my preauth that runs out at the end of the year.  Most people who do not know how it works would just say, “Hunny just have them do it again next year if it runs out.”  The thing is to get this preauth I need two letters of support that are less than 12 months old.  This is what happened the first time.  I had already had the letters of support 24 months ago but they were 13 months old at the time of submitting them, I needed to find new mental health professionals to write me whole new letters. So here is where my worry starts to build.  If this surgery is pushed to after the new year will I need to get all new letters and start over yet again?  Fuck I hope not.

So that is my life in a nutshell.  I will be posting weekly from here on out until this ends and hopefully beyond.  Thank you for reading this and I hope you are all safe and well.

Cheers!

Karissa

 

Change Will Do You Good!

Change can be good. This is a statement that I have heard so much lately that it is starting to sound hackneyed and cliché.  No matter how true that statement is change is still often hard.

In less then ten days as of this post I will be starting a new and exciting chapter of my life. Nursing.  Not nursing school but actual patient care nursing.  I graduated nursing school in September of this year and passed the NCLEX in 75 questions in October.  In November I interviewed and accepted a position for a clinical float nurse for a local branch of a national nonprofit.  I will be covering the needs of their clinics within the state of Minnesota.

To say that I am excited would be an understatement.  While it still does not feel real to me yet I can not wait for my first day.  This is the thing that I have worked for two (well more then that really) years for.  This is the thing that I stressed, screamed, endured and fought for.  Shit is getting real!

If I did not talk about how this change is actually bittersweet I feel that I would be missing have the picture though.  As this door is opening, another is closing.  By taking this job I will be leaving the one that I have had for over eight years.  If I am being honest I think that it is time.

I loved my time as a tech, as a whole.  I met and worked with some amazing people.  I have helped some amazing patients.  I learned so much that I have not even going to go into that list.

These experiences are not without their cost though.  It is so true that nothing in life is free.  During my time as a tech I have seen things that will stay with me forever, and not in the good way.  During my time as a tech I have seen senseless deaths; been verbally, physically, and emotionally assaulted almost daily, and lived/worked with a near constant undercurrent of fear for my own life.  It was to the point that my family had an actual plan for what would happen WHEN I was killed on the job.  After eight years of this I was mentally worn down to the point that I ended up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. (see previous posts for the whole-ish story)

Please understand that this is not really commentary or rebuke of my soon to be former employer.  This is the state of hospital medicine in the US today.  The number of attacks on healthcare staff is not only appalling but is only rising. Staff are being assaulted every shift. Staff members are being killed on the job at rates that are mind blowing (sources upon request).  This needs to change.

This is one of the reasons why I decided to walk away from the hospital setting for now and focus specialty clinical nursing.  I want to become more of a specialist in an area(s) that I am truly passionate about. With this new job I will be doing just that.  I will be focusing on Reproductive Health and Rights, Mental health promotion and Transgender Healthcare.  These are the three of the four areas that I have the most calling for. To say that this is a dream job of mine would not be a lie.

I know that there are those who read this blog that are acute/hospital care nurses.  I am not saying anything against them.  There are those who that is where they are called to be. I love that.  I love that there is a place in nursing that everyone can fit. Maybe some day I will go back to the hospital side of nursing.  Right now it is not where I feel I can do the most good for the most people.

I will update everyone once I start on how the new gig is going.  Thank you all for your time and reading my blog.  I love you all!

As always, Be Good, Be Well and ALWAYS Be Kind!

Cheers

KJD