Finally a Transition Related Post (NSFW)

I want to start by saying that this post may not be safe for work because of what you would read and/or see.  I will be talking about genital reconstruction surgery today.  Yes that is right, finally a post about transition. So if you are in a place that this might get you in some hot water I want you to bail now until you are a place where you can read this please do.  Here is as picture of a kitty to give you some space and time.

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Ok now that you are this far I am going to say that you are in this for the long haul.  So welcome!

In less then 10 day at the time of writing this I will be stating my bottom surgery journey in earnest. I will have not one but two meetings with medical staff about the process.  The first will be with the team at the University of Minnesota and the second will be with the team at the Mayo.  Both teams are highly regarded and highly accomplished.  I will not be their first patient and nowhere their last. Both have great appeal and draw for me.

So what is it that I am going to have done.  This is where things are going to get technical so I will try to break it down.  I will be having vaginoplasty and possible breast augmentation.  You might be thinking, “That is cool…WTF dose that mean?”  in short I will be have gender confirmation surgery.  I will be having a vagina constructed from the material that I currently.  At the end of the day my genitals will look no different from anyone woman who was born with a vagina.  I have linked a video from YouTube that walks through how that is done.  This is a computer animation so there is no blood or gore.  If you want to see that you can look it up on your own.  The basic breakdown is that they will remove my gonads, invert my penis to create the vaginal vault and fashion a clit out the glands.  The recovery time is right around a few months before I am back to 100% of myself but not better and complete.

Some of you are going to ask why and I doing this?  Why would I put myself through this and risk all that comes with major surgery for something that may seem so vane.  The answer is actually rather simple.  It is because I need this to help me feel complete.  I find it interesting how some people can look something like this and think that this is based in pure vanity.  I am doing this because I have gotten to a point that when I look in the mirror, when I get dressed, when I go to the bathroom I am confronted with something that does not fit.  Like having a extra foot where my ankle should be or third ear growing from where my thumb should be. Yes it may work as a foot or ear should but it just not what should be there.  By getting this surgery I will be able to correct this issue.

To say that I am excited would be an understatement and not a complete picture.  There is fear and doubt that is there also.  This is radical venerability here folks.  I am so excited that I will finally be whole and complete in a physical sense.  I will not have to worry how I look in my clothing.  I will not have to worry if I am showing in my lap that could signal to those that I am not really who I am.  I will be able to go to the bathroom without a pang of dysphoria every time.

The fear is about going under the knife.  With all surgeries there is risk.  This is a given.  There is a far outside chance that once I go under that I may not ever come back. I could die right there on the table.  I know that the chances of this are so slim and about as likely as me hitting the Powerball but they are still there.

This is also where my small amount of doubt happens to pop its head into the conversation.  Do I really want to do this.  This is not something that can be undone once done. This is truly life changing.  I think that this is normal.  These are the same thoughts that I had when I had my weight loss sugary.  To these thoughts, both then and now, I answer with s very strong “Fuck Yes.”  As with my WLS it was a matter of quality of life and maybe the difference of living till I am 45 and 85.  If I keep thing the way they are I know that there will come a point that the dysphoria will get so bad that I will not be able to take it anymore.  I want to not only live but live my life fully as I know I should be.

As I close I will add the video that I promessed and leave with these words.  I am whole as I am but am not complete.  I need to see this to its end.  It is at that point where I will be both.

Cheers!

KJD

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