In less then 12 hours I am going to be officially starting my next chapter in my life. In that amount of time I will be starting a career as a Clinical Float Nurse. I am terrified. I have gone so far as to think about emailing my new manager and lying to them about taking another job somewhere so I would not have to go and do the thing. WTF GIRL!? This is your dream job! Why in the name of the Goddess would you do a thing like that? Because change is scary.
The sad and funny thing is, this new job is not that much different them my old EMT job. Yes there are more responsibilities and more on my plate but in it’s most basic form it is all just patient care. I rock at patient care (or at least I have been told I do). So why was my first reaction to cut bait and run like my ass was on fire? Again I go to my previous statement, CHANGE IS SCARY!
Don’t worry, I did not send the email. What I did though was start thinking. If I was so honestly willing to bail on something that I have worked my ass off for in the name of fear, what little things have I let go for the same reason? What have I not even started? What choices have I made because I was to scared of what would happen?
I know that I am not the only one that deals with fear by setting camp in the flight section of the Fight, Flight or Freeze reaction. I joke that I do not run. Well, that is bullshit. Plain and simple. I have ran from so much that scared me the you might think that I am one of those ultra marathoners.
I have done it for almost 40 years (shut up I know that I am old). Why do we allow fear to run our lives like this? What is it that we are actually afraid of? Are we scared that we are going to fail or maybe even do it? Is it the fact that if we do make it we will not know where to go from there? Is it that we are far to comfortable where we are, watching shit on TV while we eat our body weight is shit? When does it stop?
So that is the question I will leave you with this morning (or whatever time of day you see this). Why are your reacting to fear the way you are? Be honest with yourself. I mean best girlfriend, yes that dress makes you look like shit, no you can not pull of that color, no your SO is really a shit kind of honest. When you boil and distil the reason down to it’s honest core then ask, what am I going to do about it?
I know for me I am going to live in that fear when it hits me. I will allow myself to feel it, name it and then send it on its way. Then I will go do what needs to be done.
I hope that everyone finds that thing that causes then to run, fight or freeze. I hope you are able to name it and own it. Once you do that, there is nothing that can stop you!