Lasers, Life, and Everything

Morning World!  This week, well two weeks really, have been nice but busy.  Nothing major has gone on but just busy with life.  This was my two-week break between terms for Nursing School.  This meant that I had two whole weeks without worrying about projects, papers or care plans!  It was glorious!  Of course, I worked most of these days but that is all part of being a productive adult type person, right?

Today being Friday, this means that this little break is quickly coming to an end.  In roughly 72 hours (give or take) I will be back into the grinder.  This next term is going to be busy and a bit rough.  Luckily, I only have two classes (and their clinicals) to worry about.  I am very lucky though that I am part of an amazing cohort.  These folks have become some amazing friends.  I thought that Basic Training brought people close together but that was nothing like nursing school.

What is new on the transition front?  Well, I have publicly come out on social media but I can’t remember if I had before or since I first posted.  If this is a repeat please look at it as “last time on”.  I did have my first laser hair removal appointment.  I have to be honest, that shit hurt!  I mean a lot!  The good thing was that it was quick.  I am getting my face and neck lasered because it is a large part source of dysphoria for me.  This seems a bit funny to me because I had always been proud of my facial hair.  It had always been a source of comfort to me.  I remember when I came out to my BF B, I told her that I would not start even dressing in public because I was scared to shave my face.  All she said was, “Why not try it?  You can always grow it back.”  I guess I felt that is was one of my last safety nets.  In truth, it was one of my last barriers.  I told myself that if I kept my facial hair then I could still go on and not have to deal with what I was feeling.  Once I shaved everything off I saw something in the mirror I had not seen, or allowed myself to see before.  I saw that girl that I was/am that was hiding behind everything that I was putting up in front of her.  It scared the crap out of me.  I thought about growing everything back but she had seen daylight and refused to go back into the dark.

I am still on my testosterone blocker and that is working great.  I have seen some small changes, mostly in the hair growth area.  Where I would have to shave twice (or more) a day to have a completely smooth face, I now can go almost a day and a half without even thinking about it.  I have not started estrogen as of yet.  I have a doctor’s appointment this next week.  We will be doing more blood tests to see where my T levels are at.  Once my MD is happy with the levels then I will get the, as he calls them, “sexy pills”.  I will keep you all updated.

My dysphoria comes in waves.  Most days I feel good about who I am and who I am becoming but I would be lying if I said that there are not times where I feel that it kicks me square in the teeth.  I know that this is normal but that does not make it any easier when it happens.  I am so glad to have friends both online and IRL that are there to help me through that crap.  Thank you all and you know who you are!

As far as the site/blog goes, right now I am planning to try to post here on a weekly schedule but that will all depend on how work/school/family/life is going at the time.  I ask for so understanding my amazing readers!  I am just a simple girl trying to rule the world.  This shit takes time.  😊

I will leave you all with this thought.  You are enough!  Please do not let anyone convince you otherwise.




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