This post will be kind of NSFW. I will be talking about sex and kink. So if this is a topic that is not your speed, thanks for stopping by and we will see you later.
Another month has gone by and I have been in a kind of writing hibernation. I think it was because I was fighting writing a post like this. I am not sure why. I talk about this stuff all day at work, well safer sex and such at least. For those who know me IRL you know that I am an open book on most ever single part of my life. I mean every part. I have no problem talking about sex, kink, and all that is out there. So why is it that I was so reluctant to talk about it here on my blog? I think that it might be because I know that there are those of you that read this that I do not talk about these things with. Not because I am afraid to but because they are things that I just do not talk about. Hell my mother reads this blog from time to time. (Hi Mom!)
So why am I writing this now then? Self-convection. I have been preaching radical venerability on my blog for some time and here I am holding back. Bad Karissa! I am sorry. So here it is.
I am a kinky, poly trans woman. There I said it. You know something? It feels damn good to have said it aloud. I am very fortunate that I have people in my life that support and love me. Not in spite of these facts but because of them. I have been seeing a great woman; we will call her M, for over six months and things are great. D and I are still married and yes he knows. Please see the poly part if you do not understand. Things are not always 100% amazing between M and I, but that is all part of a relationship. Yes people, I am not always the easiest person to be with. Please pick your jaws up off the floor.
As I said I am also kinky. This means, for me, that I find joy outside what most people would call “normal”. I identify as a Switch. This means that I feel comfortable dominating as well as submitting to certain people. For years I thought I was a dyed in the wool sub. I have found that as my transition as progressed, my Dominant side has started to come more and more to the surface. I have been in and out of the kink scene for the last 15 years. I call myself a service Switch because at the heart of whatever I do, be it in a Dom or sub role, service is my focus.
As a sub, I truly love the feeling of a power exchange. This means that I willingly give up my power and personal antinomy to the person that I am serving. I find that by doing this I find freedom and a joy that I can not find in other places. By submitting the authority of the Domme (Domme is a female identified Dom), I am free to serve and be taking care of in a way that I am not able to do in the vanilla (non kink) world.
As a Domme role, I am still trying to find my legs. I have only been in that role a very few times and most of them were pre transition. For the times that I have been the Domme recently, I will say that I loved the power and validation that I felt controlling my sub and the joy on their face that they had by serving my wants and me.
I know that for many, the only exposer to BDsm is from that shit, the 50 Shades series. That is a VERY POOR example of what most people who are into the scene would even conceder BDsm. That being said I am trying to not shame anyone who thinks that is what they want. What might me your kink might not be mine. And that is ok! For those who only think of BDsm and kink as whips and chains, I will tell you that it is so much more. Do not get me wrong, that CAN be part of it and for me it is. There are those of you who are reading this that know that first hand (and thank you again for your amazing work). BDsm and kink can be anyting from simple words, power exchange, spanking to service (cleaning, cooking etc.). Kink and BDsm is what you make it. Myself, I love to serve those I am playing with. I live for “good girl’s” when I am in subspaces. I love “yes Ma’am’s”, “please Ma’am’s” and “thank you Ma’am’s” when I am in Domme spaces. These are the things that fuel me and fill me soul.
Kink and BDsm do not have to be sexual, though they can be…AND THAT IS 100% FINE!!! For me, I am mostly a non-sexual Domme and semi-sexual sub. I will “torment” my sub to the point of orgasm, then take it away, over and over again. I will use my riding crop on places that will make the vanilla person squirm with terror and the kinky person squirm with antici…….pation.
The biggest think that these things all need to do this correctly it a single thing. That is enthustic consent. Not an “I guess” or a “Maybe” but a “FUCK YEA!” Without that, it is no more then abuse, in my not so humble opinion. Without consent you are willingly harming someone that does not want it. Without consent you are degrading someone who did not ask, yes literally ask, for it. Without consent you are not a Dom you are an ASSHOLE!
So folks this is me in all my kinky, poly and beautifulness. Older versions of me would beg you to accept me for being this way. Older versions of me would ask you to love me in spite of theses things. Not any more. If these parts of me make me unpalatable to you or disgust you, then that is your issue and not mine. I will no longer beg for the love from the unwilling or acceptance from the unaccepting. This is me. Take me or leave me. All of me, or none of me. Those are my terms.